


but i'm a fire (and i'll keep your brittle heart warm)

by starryprose



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Long, M/M, Pining, Snake metaphors, random word vomit, slow burn?, zukka brainrot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:15:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27200981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starryprose/pseuds/starryprose
Summary: There are many days where Zuko feels sorry for Sokka. Feels sorry that Sokka has ended up beside Zuko, in his bed at the end of the day. In the heat of the fire nation, not the bone-chilling cold of the Southern Water Tribe. Feels sorry that he can't provide more, can't give them more than a few months in Sokka's home.In the end, though, Zuko supposes he is selfish.
Relationships: Aang/Katara background, Azula & Zuko, Iroh & Zuko (Avatar), Sokka & Katara, Sokka/Zuko (Avatar), Zuko & Aang
Comments: 10
Kudos: 181





	but i'm a fire (and i'll keep your brittle heart warm)

**Author's Note:**

> Oh boyyy. This fic is pretty long for me! I usually don't write like twenty pages but here we are lol. This started out as a fic to the tune of peace by Taylor swift then I realized someone else already did that but I didn't want to abandon this. Then I was in the Starbucks drive-thru line before work at five something in the morning and I thought of Iroh's line and slowly the rest made sense? This has been coming together for like a month but I like it I think? I'm thinking about doing an Azula part to this to go into more depth about her part in this. Comment & Kudos always appreciated!

Zuko isn’t entirely sure where it begins. Perhaps back to when he’d first met Sokka, in the Southern Water Tribe, racing towards him with a raised club and a painted face of a warrior despite being fifteen and no larger around than the size of Zuko’s arm. Perhaps it was at The Boiling Rock, the prison being the catalyst to so many things that were Zuko and Sokka. Or perhaps it was quiet moments on Appa’s back or after the war, letters exchanged between friends.

But there’s a summer, three years after the day of Sozin’s Comet, a day that also marked the defeat of Zuko’s father, Zuko’s friends were at the Fire Nation palace. They tried to rotate locations for the anniversaries but frequently it fell back to the palace in Caldera. Zuko’s position made it sometimes difficult for him to leave and while sometimes it was difficult for his friends to return to the location of the battle, many of them embraced the location as one of victory and change, not bloodbaths and pain.

The day being what it was, the sixth of them should have been out, greeting citizens, survivors, playing the role of the heroes. The war-ravaged kids turned world leaders who saved the day when the ones before them had failed to, to power-hungry and drunk on any power they did gain. 

There are too many titles for Zuko and his friends, formal ones that place their claim in history. 

Sometimes Zuko supposed it was nice, rewarding. Sokka enjoyed the praise most of the time, claiming it felt good to be liked and needed. It was good but there was a sort of expectation that followed from it that made Zuko’s skin crawl. It only ever faded away when he was with his friends or with his uncle.

They, being their own ‘team avatar’, sprawled out amongst one of Zuko’s many guest rooms. Zuko believes this one was meant to be for Sokka who always claimed he wanted a large bed. The bed is big enough for all of them to sit on it and still have room to move easily without rolling off the side.

Katara is laying against Aang, her head in his lap while he braids strands of her hair together into braids that were a mix of water tribe styles and air nomad ones that Aang had once messily sketched down in an attempt to not forget. Suki is across from Katara, Toph next to her. The metal bender’s feet hanging off the bed, her chin rested against her fists.

Katara and Suki were playing some sort of card game that was popular on Kyoshi Island. Zuko recognized some of it from times Ty Lee and Suki wanted to teach him but he could never remember the exact name or rules. 

Sokka was across from Zuko in the window seat, a Pai sho board between them. Zuko had never quite liked Pai sho, the focus needed for the game was never his strong suit, he was frequently too impatient, but Sokka enjoyed it and Zuko was the only one besides Iroh that would usually agree to play with Sokka. 

Truthfully, Zuko was just bad at saying no to Sokka. He always sort of had been. At least as long as they had been on the same side. He’d refused to leave Sokka to venture to The Boiling Rock alone, stubborn as Zuko was, he bent over backward to get Sokka what he needed, what he wanted.

(Some part of Zuko knew simply then that what he wanted was Sokka,)

It doesn’t really strike Zuko suddenly or anything. There is no  _ oh _ moment. Zuko just watches Sokka’s face as he thinks about his strategy for his next move, the early evening sun is coming in through the window and it makes Sokka’s skin look more golden than just plain tan. Sokka looked warm and like home, despite his blue clothes and the way the whites of his teeth and the cool shade of his eyes stood out against his skin, marking him as Water Tribe, as one of the ocean. 

Cool-toned colors and yet Zuko thought that Sokka was likely the warmest of all of them. Not physically, Zuko was the warmest physically but there was a warmth to Sokka that drew them all in. That made them look to him as a sort of leader, a sort of north star, a leading light. 

They fall asleep near to each other at first before Toph burrows herself between Zuko and Sokka, claiming Zuko as her space heater and trusting Sokka to watch her back. Aang curls into the other side of Zuko, his bald head pillowed on Zuko’s bicep. Suki takes Sokka's other side, her head tilted towards the door, their first defense if there are any intruders. Katara is beside Aang, her head against his chest. 

They’re a pile of entwined limbs and nightmares. But Zuko and Sokka’s heads end up next to each other on the pillow, above Toph. And when Zuko wakes up with the sun the next morning, Sokka glances at him blearily before he smiles softly. Zuko let himself lay there for an hour or so before Aang and Suki wake up too. 

When Sokka leaves to go back to the Southern Water Tribe, there is a sort of emptiness, a sort of homesickness that enters Zuko, and the feelings that had been building for who knows how long suddenly seem to have a name. Because it’s not like Zuko didn’t have a clue what he was feeling for his friend, he had ideas, but he’s never been quite good with labeling things. Or understanding emotions that weren’t anger. 

*******

Sokka and he exchange letters frequently but Zuko doesn’t see Sokka again until almost a year later. It’s Katara’s birthday and Zuko managed to get leave to go to the South Pole for the event.

Katara is turning eighteen and there’s a part of Zuko who thinks of his own sister’s quickly approaching eighteenth birthday. He thinks of this as he stares at the large fire the tribe has created in the middle of their village in Katara’s honor. 

Katara is gorgeous, her hair down but dozens of small braids and beads are woven through it, falling like the water she so gracefully controlled. She sits beside Aang, laughing happily, her cheeks flushed by the fire and from dancing around it, a birthday tradition for the tribe.

Zuko eats the fish Hakoda had caught and sits quietly but smiles at the right times. It’s halfway through some of the celebration that Sokka sits next to him on the pelt the Tribe had laid out to use as mats. Sokka grins at Zuko and he is close enough Zuko can see the small freckles along Sokka’s nose, faint due to the darkness of Sokka’s skin.

“I had to get away from Katara and Aang,” Sokka explained. “They’re giving me the oogies.” 

“Am I only here to give you an escape from their romance?” Zuko questioned and Sokka’s eyes widened, preparing to backtrack on his comment but Zuko laughed. “I’m just joking.”

Sokka sighed in relief, “good I was worried for a second that you actually thought we didn’t all want you here. I’m so glad you could come, really.” 

The warmth in Zuko’s chest that always seemed to be there but grew hotter when Sokka was around, grew ten sizes. It felt like he was gulping down a good cup of his Uncle’s tea like he’d swallowed the Dragon’s magnificent colored fire whole. He couldn’t imagine how he’d implode if he ever kissed Sokka.

“I like it here. I’m glad to be invited,” Zuko just replies, ignoring how the fire had danced a little in reaction to the feelings Zuko was having. Sokka’s smile widened, a sort of genuine happiness in it. 

They don’t say much more. Zuko let his eyes be drawn to Aang who is attempting to mimic the traditional birthday dances of the Tribe with Katara. She’s giggling at his wild movements. Suki is not far away, copying the movements a younger girl shows her, and Toph is seated beside Hakoda, her grumpy face barely visible from the fur-lined hood she wore, displeased at having to wear shoes.

Zuko listened to the singing, unable to recognize some of the words in the music. The Water Tribes had a traditional language, with different dialects for the North and South. Though it had fallen out of use in the last couple of centuries due to the imperialistic spread of the Fire Nation and even Earth Nations trading, Zuko was happy to hear it, happy to experience the culture despite not fully understanding the words. Beside him, Sokka swayed to the music.

“Can I tell you a secret?” Sokka whispered in his ear suddenly and Zuko startled a bit before nodding. “My dad is going to make Katara the Chief.”

“What?” Zuko exclaimed before looking around to make sure no one noticed his outburst. “I mean, what? Not that Katara doesn’t deserve it but I thought you’d get to be chief?”

Sokka shrugged. “For a long time that was all I wanted, to be like my dad, but in the past couple of years, I’ve just wanted to learn more. I want to invent and strategize and continue to make the world better. Katara loves the tribe and she loves the world but she has so many aspirations for what the South could become. And don’t get me wrong, I do too but I think Katara being chief is more important.

For a long time, the North was against women in power, reducing them to just being healers and not also fighters. Katara is one of the best of both. And even the South has some hints of it, I was like that, but I was caught by Suki with that mindsight and she beat it out of me pretty quick. People might not like that Katara is getting the position because she’s young and a girl, despite the fact that she has proven herself as a bender and by saving the world. But that’s why she needs to get it.”

Zuko stared at Sokka for a moment, so intensely that Sokka ducked his head a little, loose strands from his wolf tail falling into his face. Finally, Zuko spoke, “you’re a good brother.” 

“She’s a better sister,” Sokka said simply. Like that explained it all, like he was just doing the bare minimum of what he could as a sibling. Zuko didn’t question him.

“Anyway, Aang mentioned he wants to start a sort of united council. He said he’d been talking it over with you. That you were alright hosting it in your court to get it started and that over the years, as it grew, it would hopefully shift around the nations.”

“Yes,” Zuko had forgotten about it almost, leaving work in the Fire Nation with his trip to the South but it was true. He and Aang had been discussing making some of the previous colonies into a united city for all nations, meshing multiple cultures and people of all into one place. They wanted to poll with the citizens first and gather more support but it was a passion project for them, one they hoped they’d finish before they both met their end.

“What do you say about me becoming your ambassador to the Tribe?” Sokka asked. “I could come and stay in the palace with you for a while, learn all the in’s and out’s of fire nation politics. I know the tribe’s, Suki has told me a few of the basic Earth Kingdom ones and so did King Kuei in Ba Sing Se. Aang will teach me Air Nomad stuff or I’ll find something I’m sure, something Sozin didn’t destroy. And-”

“Yes, please.” Zuko cut off Sokka’s rambling with a reply that was just shy of sounding desperate. The please was a little much.  _ Good way to show your weird feelings _ , Zuko thought to himself but Sokka grinned widely and threw an arm around Zuko’s shoulder.

“Yes!” 

********

They’re only apart for a couple of weeks before Sokka is coming into Caldera on a Fire Nation ship that had Water Tribe sailors on it. It was a trade ship that frequently went between them and Sokka decided to use that as his traveling vessel.

Zuko is standing on the dock when the ship lands and anchors. There are a few of his palace guards waiting around him and when Sokka comes barreling off the ship with the same lack of grace he’d had since he was fifteen, his guards almost move to block the Water Tribe boy. But Zuko puts his hands on their shoulders and nudges them enough that Sokka doesn’t even have to stop his full-on sprinting.

He smashes into Zuko with a whoop of excitement and Zuko nearly falls flat on his ass but he lets out a small and startled laugh. Zuko had forgotten that Sokka had filled out some over the years, the muscles of the other boy noticeable as they smack together into a messy embrace. Zuko’s lead guard frowns a little bit but the fire lord is too elated, too fueled by Sokka’s own enthusiasm, to care.

“Zuko!” Sokka yells joyfully into Zuko’s ear, a similar echo to the way he always exclaimed Suki’s name when he saw her. “Are you ready for the most epic 24/7 sleepover of your life?”

Sokka has pulled back from Zuko now, never mind that their hug was already lingering. His hands are still settled on Zuko’s shoulders, his blue eyes alight with mischief and happiness. 

“You’re in for a lot of sleeping on the sofa in my study if that’s your plan,” Zuko says and he means it jokingly but it really is the truth. More often than not Zuko falls half asleep with flickering candles along the walls and half wrinkled scrolls in front of him. His desk chair is rather comfortable if he’s being honest and after spending so many years away from the luxuries of palace beds, sometimes it’s difficult for him to find comfort in the large and soft mattress of the palace.

Sokka states at Zuko like he’s a little crazy and maybe Zuko is. But Sokka finally just shrugs and pulls Zuko against his side, an arm still thrown across Zuko’s shoulders, “sounds good to me jerk lord.”

******

True to his word, Sokka frequently snuck his way into Zuko’s study, bypassing the guard in the hallway. Zuko was pretty sure his guard had stopped trying, knowing that ultimately Sokka wasn’t a threat. They shouldn’t underestimate the man but for now, his loyalty seemed to lay oddly with Zuko. 

Sokka would lay himself across the cloth bench near the fireplace or into one of the armchairs, long legs thrown across the armrest. He’d snatch some letters or scrolls off Zuko’s desk and begin reading through them, humming and attacking them with red ink. They’d be placed back on Zuko’s desk, usually edited with Sokka’s commentary or doodles, and oddly sometimes the editing would be very insightful despite Sokka not knowing enough about Fire Nation politics yet. 

When Zuko asks why Sokka chooses to stay as long as he can in Zuko’s study, even when he’s yawning and slightly delirious, instead of going to bed, Sokka looks a bit sheepish.

“I grew up always sharing a room or a bed with Katara and Gran Gran. And then on our quest, we always watched each other's backs while sleeping. Even now that the South is rebuilding, I end up sleeping in the same room as Katara or Gran Gran or my dad. I can't really relax properly if I know I’m alone,” He explains. And Zuko, well he sort of gets it. Not having to have someone there necessarily but the unease of settling to sleep in a new place or routine. He thinks suddenly about how when the rest of their Team Avatar is together, they never end up asleep in their own separate rooms, always sprawling out together. There’s still too much space for all of them even in one room.

No wonder Zuko was always so lonely. 

He relents to letting Sokka stay in his office until one or both of them is asleep on the paperwork. There’s been a couple of times Zuko almost invites Sokka back to his room, tells him to join him on the bed with its large mattress and too soft sheets. It wouldn’t mean anything, they’ve slept in the same bed before. But Zuko doesn’t ever ask, perhaps he doesn’t want the rejection. 

*********

The first couple of weeks of Sokka’s stay are pure bliss. Zuko hasn’t been happier, his workload can’t even bring him down. Sokka shadows him in meetings, staying quiet and in the corner for the moment, just listening, observing. It’s somewhat distracting because Zuko is trying to be on top of things but then he catches sight of Sokka who has his thinking face on. Sokka’s wolf tail tied tight at the top of his head and his full lower lip tucked in between his teeth in concentration. 

Zuko kind of wants to have Sokka’s lower lip in between his teeth instead.

The first few weeks of Sokka being ambassador are not as smooth.

The councilmen are still older and though most of them do favor Zuko over Ozai, they aren’t very pleased by a Water Tribe man suddenly being invited into meetings. They admired the way Zuko actually showed up to meetings instead of having representatives and maybe they’re scared that Zuko is following in his father’s footsteps and letting other people lead while he grasps onto a title but it’s not like that. 

Sokka is alright at first about letting things they say, either to his face or behind him but loud enough he can still hear, roll off him. He tells Zuko one night that having a little sister and being Water Tribe prepared him for things like this.

“How many times has Katara gotten mad and lit into me? Being Water Tribe means that you have to be ready for change, you’re supposed to lean into the future and you’re supposed to let stupid comments like the ones they have just roll of your back. If I can prove that those comments aren’t true and prove myself in general, then it doesn’t matter,” Sokka tells Zuko and he has the same sort of passion Zuko did all those years ago when he was obsessed with his honor. 

“I still don’t like what they say about you. It’s all so wrong. You’re incredibly competent and much more culturally rounded than they are!” Zuko exclaims and Sokka smiles softly.

“Thanks, buddy, I appreciate that you think that. But for the moment, they don’t, but one day they will,” Sokka says and Zuko isn’t sure when or how his hand has ended up grasped in Sokka’s slightly larger one. But Sokka squeezes his hand tightly and just once and it reminds Zuko achingly of his mother who would comb his hair, pull it into his updo when he was younger, and then squeeze his hands or shoulders tightly.

_ “Some people may not believe in you now Zuko,” She had said as she stared at them both in the mirror. Zuko’s face is young and unscarred, his cheeks still pudgy and more like his mother than his father, besides his eyes. “But one day they will,”  _

***********

It’s nearly two months into Sokka’s position as Ambassador and the councilman are still a bunch of jerks.

Zuko is so close to weeding all of the prejudiced ones out but sadly it’d be eliminating half of his council. He understands the importance of doing a smooth transition from his father’s leadership to his own. As much as he resents his father, he had his hand in too much to simply yank him out of the monarchy completely.

“Frankly Fire Lord Zuko I truly do not understand why the  _ Ambassador,”  _ And this councilman sneers Sokka’s title and Sokka scowls right back. “Is even here. This meeting is about Fire Nation Education,”

“And as I have told you, councilman, Ambassador Sokka is here to learn more about all the political systems in our current world. As well as help contribute to the cultural learning we hope to inspire in our future leaders. I grew up blindsided about the rest of the nations but there are wonderful traditions and cultural aspects that I feel like would be interesting to educate ourselves on so that way we, as fire nation citizens can be considerate when visiting other nations. Especially when it was partially the fire nation's fault that many nations' cultures were almost wiped out,” Zuko narrows his eyes at the councilman as he once again explains himself.

The councilman mumbles under his breath and usually, Zuko would call the man out on it. Ask him to explain what he dearly wanted to say but wasn’t willing to share as easily. He wanted to pull it out of the man. What insult was he hiding from Zuko or Zuko’s friend?

But Zuko kept his anger in check. He was no longer an angry teenager but a young man running a nation. And he wasn’t going to rule with anger and fear and pride the way his father did. He wouldn’t allow it.

Zuko dismissed the meeting quickly after that.

He was sighing to himself when Sokka’s hand on his shoulder started him.

“Sorry,” Sokka murmured. “You good?” 

“You were the one whose intelligence and worth was being insulted. Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” Zuko retorts and he frowns at himself. “Sorry, I meant, ugh I don’t know what I meant. But Sokka I really am glad you’re here. I just wanted to remind you.”

The younger man smiles but it doesn’t reach his blue eyes. He seems a little too tired and sad. He shrugs.

“It’s alright like I said, let it roll off your back. Water Tribe things. I’m glad I’m here with you too though,” Sokka replies and Zuko’s heart leaps a little bit. The stress of the last month or so, the focus of trying to incorporate Sokka into the political system had been so stressful that Zuko hadn’t even really focused on the clumsy teenage-Esque romance feelings he had for his friend.

Truly it should’ve been a feat that Zuko hadn’t been so focused on his feelings. Spending more time with Sokka should’ve been a nightmare for his feelings, a true path to combustion. But for now, Zuko found he was just so grateful to enjoy Sokka’s company that he pushed away his feelings in hope that he wouldn’t ruin what they had. Especially not when everyone else in Zuko’s stubborn nation seemed agni-bent on alienating the other man.

Zuko realized he’d been staring a little too long. He shook his head some. “Wanna ditch the rest of the day?”

It’s a reckless retort, one that Zuko shouldn’t have suggested. He was the Fire Lord and usually, Zuko would be a stickler for his position, his honor, whatever. But there’s the reckless part of Zuko that took one look at a determined, nearly sixteen-year-old Sokka, ready to go off to Boiling Rock, and joined him. 

Truly maybe Zuko had really always been a sucker for Sokka.

“What about your meetings? The schedules?!” Sokka’s blue eyes had grown comically wide. Sokka enjoyed fun, he was a normal boy. And he had been deprived of many soft moments of his child and teenagehood that allowed him to have that sort of fun. But Sokka also enjoyed schedules, scratch that he loved schedules. He was obsessive in his planning. Zuko had spent nights with Sokka while Sokka color-coded their scheduled meetings to even match colors to people who they disliked the most that would be attending each meeting.

“Ignore them,” Zuko shrugged and Sokka choked a little.

“Ignore them?!” He asked incredulously, his voice cracking and Zuko laughed softly before he stood up. 

“Let’s go to the docks. Enjoy the water. I know it’s not the same exact view at the South Poles ocean but if you think about it, it is somewhat the same water. We’re all connected,” Zuko explained and he smiled encouragingly at Sokka who was still staring at Zuko like he’d grown two heads. “Come on, Sokka. One day. Ignore it all.”

“But-” Sokka started before he snapped his mouth shut. “I’m not going to win. So, I am just going to gracefully accept defeat,”

“As if you do anything gracefully,” Zuko laughs again, this time much fuller and more amusements than the last. It’s a half-truth, Sokka frequently tripped over his own two feet, especially when he was younger. But there were times Zuko remembered fighting with Sokka at The Boiling Rock. How without ever working together before, they meshed together, Zuko’s flames and Sokka’s smooth arcs in the air with his sword. 

Zuko reached out his hand without thinking but Sokka grasped it quickly and Zuko tried very hard to make sure his brain was still running properly. He focused intently on the warmth of Sokka’s hand. Firebenders ran warmer naturally but Sokka had been born and raised in a climate that required decent body heat to survive. Usually, Sokka was only a little cooler than Zuko but now his hand was so warm that it felt like it’d leave a brand in Zuko’s hand.

*******

They end up on one of the back docks that backs up to the back palace gates. It’s a small dock made of the odd spotty wood that came from Fire Nation palms. It’s a mostly forgotten dock, usually only there for deliveries to the kitchen of food from the other nations. Water Tribe food came through this port mostly when it was ordered for Sokka or Katara’s visits. Zuko assumed this dock would likely begin to see more traction with Sokka’s part-time stay.

Sokka had loosened the collar of his tunic, tugging at the top button until it was undone and bared his tanned throat. He was leaning back on his hands, his shoes beside him and his toes skimming the top of the water. It was autumn technically but might as well still have been summer in the Fire Nation, the heat so deeply settled in that it would be a miracle when it dropped fifteen or so degrees to signify that the only cold weather they ever got had arrived. 

Zuko had shrugged off his fancy robes before they’d come out so he was also wearing just a tunic and some pants that puffed up around his ankles. He folded them up so that they wouldn’t risk getting wet and also kicked off his shoes before he settled beside Sokka on the dock. 

“Do you really think this whole cultural-educational thing will work?” Sokka asks suddenly. Before his face had been titled up towards the sun, soaking in Agni’s rays but Sokka is now looking at Zuko with his blue eyes and it’s such an intense focus on him that it should make Zuko feel uncomfortable. 

“I hope so,” Zuko replies, and Sokka makes a “hm” sort of sound. Before Zuko can ask Sokka to explain his questions, Sokka is speaking.

“I just, I worry that it won’t. I mean, my generation lost nearly everything that was traditional,” Sokka explained. “You saw it when you first came to the village, how tiny we were. I was the only warrior, all of our boys who were just barely old enough to be men and all our men were sent off to be slain by Fire Nation Troops. And the older ones returned but the younger ones died because they were inexperienced. And Katara, she is still the last bender of the tribe for right now. Sure, there are some ones from the North now but they’re mainly boys since sexism is still around. And hopefully, the kids will start showing something soon but there’s no guarantee. We’re better than we were when we first found Aang but there’s no guarantee we’ll recover,”

“And I’m here because I want to help the global recovery. Because sometimes it makes me too sad to sit in the South and see them try to rebuild. But it feels almost odd that I’m trying to hand off my culture and teach it to others when people who are  _ born _ to my culture haven’t even fully gotten to learn it all yet because for years they were only shown war. There are people who won’t be able to look at the fire as a ceremonial thing anymore but as a core piece of something, someone who caused so much death.”

Zuko swallowed hard. He knew Sokka was right. There were a lot of things that Zuko’s nation had stolen from Sokka’s, from Aang’s, from Suki’s. Zuko could apologize and try to paste doctrine-based bandages over it but he couldn’t erase it or ensure that they would heal.

“I’m sorry,” Zuko said quietly and Sokka shook his head harshly.

“It’s not your fault Zuko and I’m sorry if that made you uncomfortable-” Sokka started but Zuko cut him off

“You shouldn’t apologize. That should make me uncomfortable! I should feel terrible for it all. Though I have grown now there was a time when I believed that the Fire Nation was great and I was blindly aiding in the destruction of your culture. I left your village once I captured Aang at first but you can’t ignore the fact that I showed up and was willing to hurt it, to begin with,” Zuko reasoned. It was true, there was no reason for Sokka to be sorry for having actual feelings. Zuko was a victim of the cruelty of the Fire Nation but not in the same ways Sokka and his culture had been.

Sokka breathed deeply in and out as if to calm himself down and he dipped his foot farther into the water.

“You’re right about what you said though. That this ocean isn’t the exact same view as the one back home but that it’s still the same ocean. It connects us, the water tribe, and the Fire Nation. Different but now reaching for the same things.” Sokka said. They fell quiet again. “Thank you for

letting me come. For letting be your first ambassador. I know that I want to travel everywhere but I’m sort of glad I got to start in the most stubborn of the places.”

“I’m glad you’re here,” Zuko says and Sokka smiles just a little even though it is pained.

“Sometimes I hate the Fire Nation,” Sokka tells Zuko, and he is quiet again. There is a sort of guilt on his features like he’s sorry that he’s telling Zuko this when Zuko is trying to make the Fire Nation better but Zuko understands. Zuko wants to say ‘ _ me too _ ’ and wants to explain that he agrees, that the Fire Nation is such a valid place to hate. That sometimes the hatred he feels for it is so visceral that it burns inside of him. He is sure that it sits inside Sokka’s veins like sticky molasses, hate he can’t quite scrape out even as he tries to add positive ideas to the Fire Nation. But this isn’t about Zuko’s trauma with his abuse or time running. This is Sokka’s time to hurt so instead he sets his hand near Sokka’s and nods.

Sokka seems to relax at the confirmation that Zuko doesn’t blame him for the negative emotion. He places both feet into the water up to his ankles and leans forward so his elbows are rested on his knees and he places one hand under his chin. Then he breathes in a little like he’s clearing smoke or something with just his own oxygen and he places his other hand next to Zuko’s.

By the time the sun sets, their pinkies are pressed together. They sit like that until Yue noticeably rises into the sky and Zuko leaves Sokka to enjoy the water and the light from his ex-girlfriend turned spirit. 

******

It’s a week or so into the last month of the current year when Sokka informs Zuko of his plan to return home to the Southern Water Tribe until the second month of the new year.

“Quviasukvik is towards the end of the month but there’s some preparation and it’s a decent ride by ship of course. And then I’ll want to help make sure the tribe is fully set for the new year and ready for the spring and the flooding that’ll occur when some of the ice melts. I know this is my job and I probably should’ve given more advance for my time off but-” Sokka is rambling.

“Sokka, it’s fine. You’re not obligated to stay here, you know that right?” Zuko says and there is a sort of fondness in his question. It’s not like he is holding Sokka prisoner. What if Sokka things Zuko is holding him prisoner? Shit.

“No, I know! But I’ve enjoyed helping you, though it doesn’t seem like I’ve done much and you’ve been generous letting me stay here and. I just wanted to make sure I was gracious or whatever. I’ve liked spending time with you, Zuko. You’re a good friend and I hadn’t realized how good until I got more time with you but really, you’re amazing. And I enjoy what we’re doing here but I just miss home.” Sokka explains himself and he’s speaking so quickly Zuko

doesn’t fully catch all the words he’s saying since his hearing is weaker due to his deafness in his injured ear.

“It’d be absurd of you not to miss home,” Zuko replied rather bluntly before he shook his head at himself. “It’s alright though Sokka, really. I’ll miss you of course but it’s about time you took leave. I don’t want you in the Fire Nation twenty-four/seven.”

And wow that came out sort of wrong. Hurt flicked across Sokka’s face at that but Zuko scrambled to correct himself. “Not that I don’t enjoy having you but your work isn’t meant to be just confined to here! And it’s ridiculous for you to stay here the whole time, in the nation that sort of robbed you of your childhood and some of your people? That’s very morbid but you get where I’m coming from?”

“Yeah,” Sokka murmured and Zuko had to strain to hear him.

“Maybe Aang will return with you and we can start adding some more ambassadors? I’m hoping that I can get some of the summer months off so that I can come back with you to the Tribe and visit the North as well, learn more about the politics and trade first hand?” Zuko tried. It was oddly awkward and unsettled now.

Sokka brightened at that. “That would be amazing Zuko! You never get to come to the tribe enough to really enjoy it. You could be like an ambassador to the Tribe!” 

“That would be fun. I think people might be nicer to me there than they are to you here.”

“Nah I’ll make sure some of ‘em rough you up a little bit for me. Give you the full Ambasssor experience,” Sokka joked but then he laughed a deep laugh. He had been standing in the doorway of Zuko’s office but now he bounded across the room and appeared at Zuko’s side. He was reaching tan hands outwards, ready to pull Zuko out of his chair. 

Zuko stood, unprepared to be manhandled out of his oxen-cow leather chair. Sokka immediately was hugging him, strong, warm arms wrapped around Zuko’s ribs and the edge of his chin bumping against Zuko’s forehead. Zuko tried very hard not to sigh into the embrace and breathe in Sokka’s scent, a mixture of pine and clean linens and perhaps even ocean breeze, although that part could’ve been in Zuko’s head. 

“I will miss you,” Sokka told him and there was no explanation for the intensity behind that assurance. There was no real reason for Sokka to be so confident in the fact that he would miss Zuko. They had spent longer apart but then again they had never spent nearly so much time together. Suddenly Zuko realized with a pang that he would miss Sokka, intensely, but it was selfish of him to do so. To want Sokka with him when Sokka needed to be home.

“I’ll miss you. But I hope you enjoy Quviasukvik?” Zuko tried the water tribe word. It tripped off his tongue and he knew he had butchered it even before Sokka snorted.

Sokka repeated the word, correcting Zuko’s pronunciation. It was a smooth and pretty word coming out of Sokka’s mouth. A word that sounded like the celebration it meant. A word that represented newness and good luck and good food and happy spirits. 

“I’m lucky my boss is my friend,” Sokka jokes. And the word friend hurts more than it should because Zuko knows it’s not what he wants to be to Sokka. He wants to be more than a friend but at the same time, he will settle with friends if it means getting to keep Sokka in his life. 

*****

Uncle shows up the week after Sokka leaves in order to be around for the celebrations that we’re going to happen for the upcoming new year. Zuko wouldn’t admit it entirely but he was immensely happy that his uncle was there. He had not realized how much Sokka’s presence had helped with the suffocating loneliness Zuko had known for a decent amount of his life.

He ended up giving a lot of the staff the next week off, telling them they didn’t have to return until after the new year was a week in. The new year celebrations were a big deal in the Fire Nation. It was truly treated as a new start, a refreshed page. 

The eve before the first day of the New year, Zuko is sitting with his uncle, playing pai sho. Zuko was not a fan of Pai Sho of course. He much preferred the Earth Nation game of Mahjong. Matching the same like tiles was more interesting than trying to work out the nonsense strategy that one needed to play Pai Sho. But Iroh was likely Pai Sho’s biggest fan and Zuko was sort of his Uncle’s biggest fan. 

He’s not quite sure how the conversation gets started but he’s explaining to his uncle about how Sokka had let the chief position be passed to his younger sister, mature enough to not be bothered by her talents. How Zuko had never been like that with Azula. How Sokka had ended up coming to the Fire Nation to help Zuko. He is slightly ashamed at the fondness in his voice towards Sokka. His admiration of Sokka is not hidden. 

“Sometimes people believe that the oldest sibling should be the most cutthroat, the one the most hardened and sharp. The one who lacks weaknesses, at least on the surface, cold and superior,” Iroh says as he places a tile down. Zuko doesn’t look away from the board. “But it has been my observation that in our family that is far from the truth. It is the youngest, the one who is more commonly handed the things they so desire, that is much harder and sharpened. So much that they believe the older is their enemy instead of their blood given friend. It’s the oldest who has a bleeding heart so to speak, wears their emotions on their sleeve, much more prone to the soft things that the youngest would insist would cause their demise,”

“And much more commonly, it is those soft things that save the oldest from their real demise. A demise the younger one succumbs to instead,” The older man says grimly and he gestures to the board. “Will you take your turn?”

Zuko fumbles with a tile, not paying enough attention to the one he’s grabbed, and he places it on the board. Iroh smiles at the move but doesn’t comment.

“I have shown you in violent ways why I was called the Dragon of the West but I have never explained the other reason.” His uncle continues, rearranging the tiles he holds. “Dragons and many reptiles have an outer shell of scales and hardness, an armor if you will. But in some stories, these beings are portrayed as villains or enemies and it would be unfair to not offer the hero a weakness, a simple way to slay their foe, would it not?”

“I suppose it would,” Zuko replies because he knows his uncle wouldn’t rest until he received a reply. 

“Yes, so these creatures have a soft underbelly. A weakness. Something smooth among their hard lines and sharpness and built-in armor. I believe that this soft underbelly is sort of applied to humans too, especially the ones from the Nation who worship the dragons and learn from them, ones like us and our family. Some, like your sister armor themselves greatly, protecting their soft underbellies, or so they think they do. But people, like Azula, swallow the negatives so as to not face them themselves and spit those hurtful things back out, hoping that it will expel the poisonous shards,” 

“But the toxins stay, at least somewhat, and though they have protected the outside of their underbelly, they forget that there is an internal part too. And they are then unknowingly slashed apart from the inside until it begins to show on the exterior, and others take advantage of it,”

Zuko suddenly thinks of the Agni Kai he had with his sister. Of her uneven bangs and smeared lipstick and the way, she held herself, like a puppet whose strings weren’t being controlled correctly. How he’d told Katara that there was something off about Azula, usually much more combed into perfection, armored up. How he’d told his comrade that his sister was slipping. 

Iroh seems to know what thoughts he has brought to Zuko’s head and he looks sad. “There is only so much you can do after that. You just must learn to help bandage it, help stitch them up, and learn from the wound. It will scar, it always scars. But you must also learn that there is a difference between protecting your underbelly and fearing the unavoidable injury it will likely face one day.”

He stares at Zuko, their familial golden eyes lock and Zuko can’t quite pull his away. “You must not push away the things that make you soft, dear nephew. You cannot protect your underbelly if you don’t acknowledge having one or you will just hurt yourself and we have seen firsthand how well that works out.”

So, maybe Sokka or his friends were his underbelly? Maybe instead they were who Zuko showed his weaknesses too? Who he trusted his weaknesses with. It was too far into Iroh’s metaphors now that Zuko was left with a jumbled mind. Bleeding hearts? Soft underbelly? Zuko felt like he was some war drama. But there was a look to his uncle’s eye that told him he’d understand soon and that he had better hope it was before he was left with another scar in his soft spot. Or a hole in the shape of someone he shoved away. 

“On that note, I do believe I have won my Lord,” Iroh said happily and he leaned backward from where he’d been scrutinizing the board.

“I don’t like it when you call me that Uncle,” Zuko replied instinctively but he sighed. “I do admit defeat, as always.”

“Ah but your patience has so greatly increased since we began the great game of Pai Sho! So truly, you are the one who has one because you have begun to gain more life skills from just a simple strategic game,” The old man retorted. “I do think perhaps you should think about what I said and the skills you have learned from the great Pai Sho. It is after all a day to think back and reflect on your past, especially the one of this current year so that in the morning you can release it and embrace this new year and new chapter willingly. 

You may never fully shed your skin but our skin is forever refreshing and gaining new cells. You are at your core the same but you will change and grow and progress,” Iroh said and he leaned across to pat a wrinkled hand against Zuko’s unscarred cheek. He then heads to sleep, wishing Zuko a good night and a restful sleep. 

When it’s an hour before sunrise the next morning Zuko wakes up and gets out of his bed. He doesn’t change out of his pajamas or even out on slippers. He remembers mornings like this when he was younger, with his mother and with Azula. 

He pads to the Northern wing of the palace. It is mostly avoided except by a team of healers, therapists, selected staff, and occasionally Mai and Ty Lee. In the Northern Wing, Azula stays in a large room. He knows she’ll be awake, it’s in their internal chemistry to rise with the sun but he isn’t sure if she’ll let him in. He knocks anyway and hears a faint “come in,” and he lets the door open. 

His sister sits on the edge of her bed as she brushes out her hair. It is getting long again, cascading like spilled ink down her back. She had cut it when she had first returned to the palace after her first treatment. Had nearly buzzed it to her scalp until it was merely black fuzz and she had sobbed while she did according to Mai. 

Azula turns to look at him, her gold eyes bright in the dim lighting of the room. She looks a bit startled at seeing him and Zuko can’t blame her. He thinks it was summer the last time he came to see her and it had been near the anniversary of the war’s ending. She had been having a bad day, under eyes dark and smudged, her mirrors had had to be removed again and all sharp objects. She had thrown things at him until he left, claiming he looked too much like both of their parents that day. And too much like himself, the brother who had allowed his friend to chain her to a grate until she screamed blue fire. 

“Zuko,” She says and it’s a sort of gasp. Her childish nickname for him is absent and Zuko isn’t sure whether or not he is glad or bothered by it.

“Hi, Azula. Would you like to watch the first sunrise with me?” He asks her. She continues to stare at him for a moment before she nods, hesitantly. He doesn’t approach her, instead, he lets her walk to him. She is even paler than he is and her face is bare of makeup. He remembers his first time seeing her in years back when she was fourteen and he sixteen, the realization that his little sister was using makeup had been a little jarring. She had looked much older, more like a future warlord than a fourteen-year-old girl being manipulated, her lips stained red like blood and kohl lining her eyes. 

They don’t touch, instead, they walk side by side, down the hall to the balcony. The sky is beginning to lighten from midnight blue to softer indigo and Zuko knows that Agni will make her appearance soon. The first sunrise of the year is important and incredibly spiritual. It is meant to represent the entire year that has just passed and represents the new year coming forth. Both a period and an indent in writing. 

The first day of the year is meant to be joyous, exempt from stress and anger, and full of good feelings. Zuko isn’t sure if it’ll be that, it’s hard for him to have and find good feelings but he thinks he will try. 

The sun’s rays begin to peak out and Azula lets out a happy sigh, one that is content, filled with warmth that he didn’t know Azula could possess. She had tied her hair back but not in a usual fire-nation top knot, but in a low ponytail at the base of her skull, so as she leaned against the railing, the breeze caught on the strands and blew some around but Azula paid them no mind. She was gravitating towards the sun, an ease in her that Zuko had never really seen in anyone.

He wonders if perhaps the injury to Azula’s soft underbelly had been the best thing. Despite the pain, perhaps it had softened her overly padded armor, perhaps in the end it would guard her weak point much better. He stepped forward to join his sister at the rail, she turned to him slightly, the pleased smile still on her face.

“Happy first sun Zuzu,” She said and it was soft and quiet. Azula didn’t use her voice much anymore. He couldn’t resist smiling back.

“Happy first sun, Zula,” He whispered back.

He didn’t think he and Azula were healed but maybe they were on the right track. For now, they had this. A start to a new year, together. Without their parents, without the manipulation and abuse and abandonment. Without their powers being used. Without anyone else. Just them and Agni and as fresh of a start as they were able to get.

*********

Zuko doesn’t get much advance in Aang and Sokka’s arrival which really means he gets absolutely no advance at all. One moment Zuko is talking to one of his councilman from the colonies about how to relinquish a lot of the control back to the Earth Kingdom smoothly without making the citizens feel like they were pawns being moved around against their will, and the next he’s in the arms of an over-eager sixteen-year-old.

“Zuko!!!!” Aang nearly sings and he’s catapulted upwards from his air scooter and into Zuko, his newly lanky limbs tangling with Zuko’s and they nearly fall over. 

The councilman’s eyes are wide and he makes a motion to leave. “I’ll talk to you later Lord Zuko,” the man says. Zuko nods gratefully as he pats Aang’s shoulder.

“That would be great, thank you, Hiro.” 

“I’ve missed you, buddy! And now I’m here and we can work on our plan and it’s going to be amazing!” Aang exclaims, untangling himself from his embrace with Zuko. As frustrating as Aang’s unfailing enthusiasm could be, Zuko couldn’t help but smile. They were so far from the time when Zuko had been Aang’s current age that it was sort of mind-blowing that at any point they had been enemies and not friends.

“I’ve missed you too,” Zuko tells the Avatar sincerely. “I’m excited for us to try and establish the city. It’ll be one of a kind, truly. And I’m sure Sokka will be glad to get to the actual part of his job as an Ambassador that isn’t being stuck around here with me all day.”

Aang looks a little sly. “Don’t sell yourself short, Sokka enjoys it here,” he says and it is just as genuine as Zuko had just been that Zuko wants to flush bright red. He can’t explain it, he wishes he didn’t have these romantic sorts of feelings for Sokka. Simply just because he wanted to enjoy his friends’ company without the dramatics his feelings decided to put on. There is something in the way Aang says it though like Sokka feels the same way which is absurd. 

Zuko spends the afternoon with Aang and he doesn’t think about how Sokka is there too once. 

*******

Zuko is in his study after he ends his afternoon with Aang and he intends to do work. Really he does but Sokka appears in his doorway and he leans against the couch arm, casually, somehow managing not to lose his balance and Zuko thinks about how if this was a different universe he’d stand up and kiss Sokka softly. He’d detail how much he missed Sokka against the other man’s lips because if he tried to put it into words he’d do poets an injustice.

Instead, he smiles and says Sokka’s name and tries to make it not sound like a romantic sigh. Sokka just smiles back.

“Hey, Jerklord,” He says and there is so much fondness in his voice and it shouldn’t be for Zuko but there isn’t anyone else he calls that. “Miss me?”

And Zuko wants to say  _ obviously  _ because even when Zuko was hunting them down, he sort of missed them all. And now that he knows them, knows Sokka, of course, he misses him. He chooses to not boost Sokka’s ego though so he says, “Only a little bit.”

And he expects some faux-arrogant comment but instead, Sokka steps forward and he’s closer to Zuko now. They are sharing direct air now. “Good, I missed you too,” 

They don’t say anything else for a moment and sometimes when there’s silence Zuko hates it. Hates it when he’s with other people and there’s this suffocating silence. It reminds him of being young, of sitting quietly and obediently with Azula. But this silence with Sokka is different. 

“Want to have a sleepover?” Sokka asks and he’s still almost whispering. 

“Just us or Aang too?” Zuko asks and Sokka looks a little startled at the mention of Aang like he hadn’t thought of their friend. Suddenly Zuko is sorry for mentioning him. 

“Just us, if that’s okay? I’ve basically had non-stop sleepovers with Aang lately,” Sokka is trying to explain but Zuko cuts him off. 

“Just us is okay,” He says and Sokka closes his mouth and grins with his teeth, white against his tanned skin. 

They end up in Zuko’s bed and he doesn’t quite know why but he thinks about how months ago they’d been here but Toph had wedged herself between them both. They face each other and the bed is large and they’re closer together than they need to be. Zuko can see Sokka’s freckles and figure out the exact blue of his eyes. 

“You sending me off to the Earth Kingdom soon?” Sokka asks.

And Zuko wants to say  _ ‘No, not yet. Not when I just got you back, _ ’ but Sokka’s isn’t Zuko’s to lose. So Zuko swallows that down and says, “In a few weeks,”

“Alright,” Sokka says and he’s loud in the darkness and Zuko can’t look away from his eyes and Zuko sort of thinks maybe his Uncle was right. Maybe he does just wear his heart on his sleeve, maybe Sokka can see his soft underbelly. 

Sokka rolls over and they sleep and when Zuko rises with the sun, he flees from the room with the bed and the by from the Water Tribe.

********

Sokka is sent to the Earth Kingdom to learn politics and Zuko learns that he’s reconnected with Toph through letters. She’s teaching her metal-bending.

Aang and Zuko throw themselves into their work on the United Republic as they call it. And Zuko knows it’ll take years but for now they’re working on making the main headquarters.

“We’ll call it Republic City,” Aang declares to the people in what will be that future place. Some cheer for the Avatar. Aang beams, he’s always strived to make people happy. 

The months pass quickly and Zuko writes to Sokka when he can but he doesn’t prioritize it. And some part of him thinks maybe those stupid feelings have faded but then he’ll get another letter and it’s like the tidal waves Katara can control hitting him. Zuko can’t do much but stand his ground and hope he doesn’t drown.

*********

The anniversary of his father’s defeat rolls around again and this time they all spend it in Republic City. 

There is a small island off the coast that went untouched. Aang and Toph had cleaned it up with earthbending and named it Air Temple Island. It is beautiful and full of Air bending pieces and Aang loves it so Zuko loves it too. Just because it makes his friend happy.

It’s the first time he’s seen Sokka in months and everything about Zuko gravitates towards the younger man. They end up beside each other on the grassy hill as they watch the fireworks, the celebration for the liberation of a world under a tyrannical king. Zuko wear’s his top-knot but without a crown and he doesn’t care about the pieces that fall out. Today he is both a king and a simple boy from a tea shop. Toph digs her toes into the grass and her hands join, she babbles on about the vibrations, and Suki joins her, digging her own hands into the dirt and describing the fireworks instead. Katara and Aang hold hands and neither one of them cry this year, at least not where Zuko can see. 

Zuko thinks of his sister and how she’d exposed her soft underbelly to them years ago, how she’d fallen but her rise had been much greater, although not graceful. And he reaches for Sokka’s hand. Sokka meets him halfway and their fingers intertwine and when they all leave for the night, retiring to their rooms, skipping out on their group sleepover for the year, Sokka follows Zuko.

They end up in a room with a bed and it’s not as large as the ones in the palace but it’s just right. And they end up facing each other again, blue eyes on gold. Yue shines through the window.

“I love you,” Sokka says simply and it strikes Zuko in the chest, and something in his stomach drops, and he sort of wants to puke. But it’s not bad, it’s good. He just wonders whether he was too obvious or what Sokka really means. Sokka is unaware of Zuko’s internal panic though. “I won’t give up the Water Tribe or my job of helping and traveling for you but I love you.”

Zuko stops worrying about what Sokka means then and he leans forward just enough for their lips to touch. And it’s soft at first, tentative and then Sokka kisses him back and Zuko feels like he’s on fire, like he’s alive. He feels like Sokka is holding his heart and yet he’s protecting it, not stomping on it the way everyone else likely would. 

He thinks of what Sokka said,  _ I love you. I won’t give up the Water Tribe for you or what I love doing but I love you, _ and Zuko thinks that this is what love is. Because this is what it means to fall and rise all in one. That sometimes you have to show your soft underbelly to people, let them caress it or stab it just to learn to love. His sister was stabbed in hers and she crashed but she learned to love herself. Learned to not lick it off of silver knives and to not rely on their father’s praise. And here is Zuko, barren to a Water Tribe boy and this boy is saying, ‘I love you, weaknesses and all.’ And he’s proving he’s loyal while he says it.

When they break apart and Sokka’s hand is pressed to his scarred cheek. Yue shines on them both and it’s opposite to the year before, caught in Agni’s dying rays, now Sokka shimmers in Yue’s light. 

“Okay,” Zuko says as a reply to Sokka’s statement. “I love you too,”

Sokka smiles then and Zuko does too. They grin at each other, blue and gold. They’ll make it work. No matter what. 

**Author's Note:**

> Quviasukvik is the name for the Inuit winter celebration and the Fire Nation's treatment of New Years is similar to Japan's. I tried to do research and be as accurate as possible!


End file.
